Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
We had to coat check the pizza.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
