yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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