you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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