I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
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