you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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