just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Come back. Shots need mouths.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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