You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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