youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
