Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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