theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
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