so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
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