Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
