apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Randomize
