funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
