U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
