Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Randomize
