so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
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