youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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