How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
