just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
