hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Randomize
