Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Randomize
