lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
