with your own penis?
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
