You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Randomize
