I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
