why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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