The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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