I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
