I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Randomize
