he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
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