this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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