Well douche your snatch and let's go!
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Randomize
