is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
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