so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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