Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
