I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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