I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I didn't shave. On purpose
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
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