so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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