apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
