I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
