You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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