...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
