I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Everything about him screamed your future.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
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