She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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