Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
