? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
