I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
