He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
sex in a hospital.. check
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
