So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Randomize
