Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
