so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
It's never too late to be topless.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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